Spin Cycle/Transcript
Brent Leroy: Are there birds in here? Wanda Dollard: It's the phone. Brent: There are birds in the phone? Wanda: I had to get a new one. The old one was a hunk of junk. Wanda: Hello, Corner Gas, how can I help you? Wanda: Yeah, hi, my battery's low so... Wanda: Hello, Corner Gas, make it quick the battery's gonna die. Brent: Well, anytime you want to answer it, feel free. Wanda: I can't yet, it's charging. Brent: So, you replaced the phone that doesn't work with one we can't use. What did that upgrade cost me? Wanda: Whatever's missing from the till. Lacey Burrows: What can I get you guys? Hank Yarbo: Um. I'll have the tofu salad but replace the tofu with chicken. Lacey: So, the chicken salad. Hank: Oh no, it's not as healthy. Karen Pelly: Since when do you care about being healthy? Hank: Since always. I'm just kicking it up a notch. You know, eatin' right, exercising... Lacey: What about you Karen? Karen: Oh, I think I'm in pretty good shape. Lacey: No, I mean what do you wanna eat? Karen: Oh, um, can I get the cheeseburger with bacon and fries and gravy to go. Hank: You ever heard of vegetables? Karen: There's lettuce on it. Wanda: Lithium battery, 600 meter range. You could use that thing across town. Brent: I can't use it here. How am I supposed to check with Lacey on the lunch specials? Wanda: It's called walking. Brent: Oh, good idea. Who should I call to walk over there? Wanda: Don't touch it! It has to fully charge! Fully. I'll go to the Ruby for you. Emma Leroy: Hi Lacey. Lacey: You probably think I'm gonna horn in on what you're doing and wanna help, but I won't. Emma: Thanks for the heads up. Lacey: You know, I don't know if this is a fund raising calendar or something, but I'm not interested. Helen Jensen: Can we get more coffee? Lacey: Is this a fund raising calendar? Emma: Yes. Lacey: Featuring the ladies of Dog River. I see. Emma: OK Lacey, if you wanna help we someone to be Miss April. Lacey: Oh, wow, you guys, I'm so honoured. Helen: We mean help us find someone to be Miss April. Lacey: Oh, oh I see. Oh, 'cause I'm not a lady of Dog River? I'm still an outsider? Emma: No, you can be Miss April if you want. It's just that, well it seems silly now...we didn't think you'd want to appear naked. Ha, ha. Lacey: Oh, Emma. You, you want me to be naked? Wanda: Hey, before you drop your drawers, what are the specials? Oscar Leroy: Why didn't you answer the phone? I tried calling three times. Brent: The new phone's charging. It's kinda of a hassle but that's balanced out by not having to take your calls. Wanda: Pork chops and tuna melt. Brent: Together at last. Oscar: How much you pay for a fancy cell phone like this? Wanda: It's not a cell phone. And don't touch it! Oscar: Well, if it's not a cell phone then where's the cord, smart guy? Brent: He's got you there. Hey, these lunch specials, do they come with soup? Maybe I should call over there on the not yet fully charged phone. Wanda: Don't touch it! It needs to charge fully. Fully is the point. I'll go ask about the soup. Oscar: Why don't you use the cell phone? Wanda: It's not a cell phone! Oscar: So, what kinda plan are you on? Emma: Well, not completely naked, we're tastefully covered up. I mean, by a fence or a door. Helen: I'm gonna be in a canoe. Lacey: Well, that is great. Everyone in town naked! You know, this town. Emma: Fun, huh? Maybe you can give us a hand and get other people? Lacey: Naked people, like me? Naked, in this calendar? Naked. Well, of course. You know, because if there's one thing that I love, it's being naked. Wanda: Before you ditch your britches, what's the soup? Davis Quinton: I envy you, Karen. Wish I could eat like that. Karen: Ah, I have a high metabolism. Davis: No, I mean not caring about what you look like. Karen: Are you calling me fat? Davis: No, you look great. Karen: Hank said I should eat vegetables. Davis: Forget about Hank. I just like a woman with a little meat on her bones. Brent: Oh, Hank wanted to know when these comics came in. I guess I should call him, let him know they're here. Wanda: Just wait one more hour. It will charged. Brent: It's partially charged... Wanda: Is partially fully? Hmm? It has to be fully! Fully! Do you hear me? Fully! Wanda: Hey Olivia, the new comics are in. Hank: Oh, thanks. Olivia? Wanda: Newton-John? "Let's Get Physical?" Hank: Ah, no, not right now. I'm about to work out. Davis: Spin class, cool. Karen: That's right. I'm doing something about it. Maybe you'd like to join me. Davis: Sure. Do they supply the plates or do you bring your own? Karen: Not that kind of spinning. It's on a bike. Davis: Ooo, like the circus. Karen: No, it's not like the circus, there are no plates, no clowns, just a bike. Davis: Damn. I love the circus. Wanda: I gave Hank the message. Hank: Hi, I got your message. Brent: Oh, I suppose I should call Mom. You know, let her know that Dad's still here. Wanda: Knock yourself out. The phone's charged. Brent: Fully? Wanda: Mmm-hmm. Brent: Mmm. It's not as satisfying as I'd hoped. I'll do it later. Oscar: You're out of toilet paper. Wanda: That's a paper towel roll. Oscar: Same diff. Cell phone's ringing. Wanda: Leave it. Let the machine get it. Oscar: Gotcha. Oscar (phone): Hello? Hank: Hey. You guys here for spin class? Davis: Yeah. But, uh, FYI, it's not like the circus. Hank: Boy that looks good. Can I have a bite? Karen: OK. You know what? You can have it. Hank: Hmm. Davis: Thought this was supposed to start at noon. Where's the teacher? Hank: You're looking at him. Davis: That guy? Hank: No, I thought you'd be looking at me when I said that. Karen: Oh, so you're the teacher. Oh my God, you're the teacher. Hank: Let's spin. Wanda: This that naked thing you were going on about? Lacey: Yeah, and you know what, as awkward as this is, I'm just supposed to ask... Wanda: Sure, I'm good to go. Where do you want to do this? Lacey: No, not here. Wanda: Outside? The light's better. Lacey: No, not now. And, and I won't be taking the pictures, so... Wanda: You sounded pretty into it before. Lacey: I am. Very into it. I love anything that's, you know, risque. Wanda: Risque? Growl. Like wearing red pantaloons? Ha, ha. Settle down, Doris. Lacey: Look, I'm very cool with this. All right? In fact, yesterday, I thought to myself, I would love to get naked. Oscar (phone): Hello? No, this is not Corner Gas. Do I look like a gas station? This is my cell phone, jackass. You're eating up my minutes. Hank: OK, let's hold this pace. It helps if you visualize. Imagine you're at the Tour de France, watching from the sidelines on a stationary bike. C'mon Davis, you're not gonna watch someone win the Tour de France like that. Davis: Spinning...hard. Hank: Take a look at Karen, now that's how you spin. Karen: Thanks Hank. Davis: Teacher's pet, you... Hank: Davis, if you're gonna keep talking, I'm gonna have to see you after spin class. Class: Ooooo... Emma (phone): Hello. Oscar (phone): Hey, baby, ha, ha. Just on my way home. Emma (phone): Are you talking on a phone in the car? Oscar (phone): Yeah. Wheelbarrow's fine. See you soon. Told ya. Talk to you later. Emma: What is that? Emma (phone): Hello? Oscar (phone): It's a cell phone. Don't you know anything? Lacey: Hey Karen, how's it going? Karen: Good. Lacey: Ah, listen. You know that calendar that Emma and I are working on? Karen: Ah, the naked thing, yeah. Lacey: Well, we were just wondering if you'd like to be in. Karen: Oh. Lacey: Though I should warn you, some of the ladies will be scantily clad. Karen: Scantily clad? What are you, seventy? Lacey: No, it's just, you know, no everyone's as comfortable with the whole naked thing as say, I am. Karen: So, where you thinking we do this thing? Lacey: I don't know. The Police station or maybe by the cruiser. Karen: Okey-dokey. Lacey: OK, no, no, no. Put your clothes back on. We'll, we'll do it later. Someone else will take it later. Karen: Open your eyes. I'm clad again. Emma: Where'd you get that anyway? Oscar: Brent gave it to me. From on the counter where I found it. Emma: I'm calling him. Oscar: Good luck, they never pick up. Brent: Hey, do you know where the phone is? Wanda: I thought you had it. Oscar: What are you calling me for? Call Brent. Davis: Hey guys. What's going on? Karen: Oh, Lacey wants me to pose in the nude calendar. Davis: Hey, can I be in it? Lacey: No, keep your clothes on Davis. Davis: What? I was just gonna show you some pictures. Karen: You have pictures? Davis: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I'm tastefully covered up. See, that one's called "Good Cop." Karen: Oh. Lacey: No, Davis you can't be in the calendar. Davis: Oh, I get it. Teacher's pet can be in it but not me. Lacey: Hey, I didn't know you were a teacher's pet. I was a teacher's pet. Karen: I am not a teacher's pet. Hank: Hey, great work out yesterday you guys. And Karen, thanks for the apple. Lacey: Teacher's pet. Emma (voicemail): Anyway, thought you should know. Bye. Brent: Mom just left a message. Dad's using the new phone as his cell phone. Wanda: What? Wow. Your parent's place is like a kilometer away. Told you that thing had good range. Brent: Yeah, way better than the old phone. That could only be used around here. You know, where we are. Wanda: Geez, you're a baby. Fine, I'll go to your parent's place and get the phone. And bring back some diapers for you to wear too. Brent: See if she has any cookies. Davis: And this one's "Bad Cop." Cool Student: Whew, very tasteful. Karen: Hey guys. Davis: Well, well. If it isn't spin teacher's pet. Cool Student: You , uh, come to polish teacher's bike before class? Karen: I think spin class is stupid too, you know. Davis: We didn't say it was stupid. Cool Student: You hear that? Teacher's pet thinks we're stupid. Davis: Huh. Hank: Hey guys. Who wants to help me set up? Karen: Not me. I'm talking to my friends. Davis: Anyway, here... Hank: What, no apple? Wanda: Hi Emma, is Oscar here? Emma: I think... Wanda (phone): Oscar! Oscar (phone): What now? Wanda (phone): Give me that phone back or you'll be needing it to call the hospital. Oscar (phone): This cell phone makes you sound terrible. You sound like Wanda. Wanda (phone): OK, that's it. Oscar (phone): That's what? Hello? Oscar: Ah, ha, ha, oh! Wanda: You better hope I don't catch you! Hank: All right everyone. Prepare to enter the spin zone! Ha, ha. Oh, OK, who put this tack here, hmm? Who's the wise guy? Karen: I did it. Hank: Karen, I'm disappointed in you. Disappointed that you'd cover up for your so-called friends. Now who do this? OK, nobody wants to fess up? Then you all got detention until the person responsible comes clean! Davis: Detention? This is spin class. Hank: That's five! Cool Student: Five what? Hank: That's ten! You wanna keep going? 'Cause I can go all the way up to like, eighty. So, let's go! Ten minutes hard ridin'. Class: Groan. Hank: Karen, you don't have to do this. Oscar (phone): No! I told ya, 100, 200, you can deliver 500 for all I care. Just stop calling me! Jackass! Oscar: I gotta tell Brent to stop giving out this number. Lacey: Oscar, isn't that the Corner Gas phone? Oscar: Mine your own business, nudie. Aw, busy. Typical! Karen: Look, I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do? Stay in detention even if I didn't have to? Davis: Yes. Karen: OK, wait. Check this out. Would a teacher's pet do this? Hank: Karen! Is that what you think I am? A dictator? Wanda: He gave me the slip. You know, for a guy in his sixties with legs like a chicken, he can really move. Maybe we should get Davis and Karen on it. Brent: Yeah, if only we had some manner of telephoning device to call them. Wanda: Your Dad will run out of power soon. He'll bring it back, no harm done. Delivery Guy: Where do you want your 500 cases of wiper fluid? Brent: 500? I ordered 100. Delivery Guy: Oh, you were pretty clear on the phone what you wanted. Jackass. Brent: No harm done. Get the phone back from Dad before he gets me killed. Lacey: Hey guys. Look, I was just thinking, um, it doesn't seem fair. I'm naked all the time and you know, I thought we could open this up to people who don't get the chance, like Davis. Have you seen his photos? Emma and Helen: Yes. Emma: And that Christmas card. You're not backing out, are you? Lacey: No. Emma: Because we booked a photographer for tomorrow and he's taking pictures of you here. Lacey: Amazing, Amazing. Oh, you know, tomorrow not a good naked day for me. I'm frying a lot of bacon. Helen: You're not nervous about being scantily clad, are you? Lacey: Scantily clad? What are you, seventy? Helen: Seventy-four, but that's sweet of you to say. Jenny (New Spinning Instructor): All right everybody! Let's spin! Karen: This teacher's way harder than Hank. Jenny: And I want you to spin way harder than you did with Hank. Davis: You should be happy, you made Hank quit. Jenny: Hey over there! Ten extra minutes for talking! Davis: Aw, dang! Karen: Do I have to do it as well? Jenny: No, you can do 20 for not raising your hand. Class: Oooo. Lacey: I've got a problem. Brent: Can't keep your pants on, I heard. Lacey: Look it, there's a photographer waiting next door to take a photo of me naked. You gotta help me. Brent: Is your zipper stuck? Don't haul me into your crazy orgies, sinner. Lacey: Oh, come on Brent! Look it, I am not into this whole naked calendar thing. OK? I can't do it. Brent: So don't. Lacey: I promised your Mom. Brent: Oh, she won't care. She's surprised you made it this far. Lacey: She is? Brent: Sorry Lacey, you're not exactly a free spirit. We know you better than that. Lacey: Really? Brent: Yeah. Now just hang on. I have to press this page button for a second. Wanda: Hey! Get back here you crazy son-of-a...! Oscar: Ah, ha, ha, ha! Lacey: So all this time you knew I was uncomfortable with this whole calendar thing? Emma: Well, I've kinda gotten to know you over the years. Lacey: Oh, that is so sweet. You know the kind of person I am and you're OK with it. Emma: Um, yeah. Lacey: In fact, you know what? I think I can do. Emma: Lacey, I, you don't have to... Lacey: Nah, nah. It's OK, I feel at home now. Watch me. Ah, ha! Wow, this isn't so bad. It's actually kinda liberating. Emma: I couldn't get the photographer. Lacey: What? Well who's that guy? Emma: I've got no idea. Guy: Can I get a coffee to go? Oscar: No, don't! Wanda (phone): Hey Brent, I got the phone back. Oh yeah, and Lacey's naked over here. Yeah, everything. Karen: Hey Hank. Listen, I'm sorry I made you quit. Hank: You know, it's funny. I was the teacher but in the end, you ended up teaching me something about myself. Karen: What's that? Hank: Well, that people see us as they want to see us. In the simplest terms, most convenient definitions. But what we found was each one of us was a brain, an athlete, a basket case. Karen: It's that from "The Breakfast Club?" Hank: Yeah, I rented it last night. Great movie. See you around, kiddo. Don't you forget about me. Karen: I get it. Lacey: So, no more spinning class for you? Hank: Nah, I gave it up. Felt like I wasn't going anywhere. Lacey: How'd you get that job anyway? Hank: You know, everyone asks me that. Let me tell ya, it's quite the story. Lacey: Wow, that is quite a story. Hank: And to think it all started with a tornado and a cat. Davis: Hey, is this the story how Hank became the spinning instructor? Lacey: Yeah. Karen: How did you get that job anyway? Davis: You haven't heard this? Karen: No. Hank: I was at home watching a TV show about a tornado and a cat, when they called me up and asked if I wanted to be a spinning instructor. Karen: Wow. Hank: Yeah, I mean, you can't make this stuff up. Brent (phone): So you can hear me OK? Emma (phone): Yeah, it's clear. Is that a cordless? Brent (phone): Well, it works anywhere in Corner Gas, if that's what you mean. This best part is, it's completely idiot proof. Oscar (phone): I'm just getting in the car now. Category:Transcripts